Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
