Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
