Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
