you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
