I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
