maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize