I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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