Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
