My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
