I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
