You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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