I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
