This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
