There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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