if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
