when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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