You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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