I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it hurts more in the daytime
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize