Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Come share oat with me in your robe
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
