I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
