If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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