She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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