@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
