he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
