Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
