Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
