Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
