For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
