So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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