She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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