she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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