You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
