I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
