I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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