yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
