you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
