Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
