i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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