my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
