That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
