She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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