Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
