Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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