You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Couch. On fire.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
