it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
