im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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