i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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