Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
