she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
