U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
