Fine. I'll sleep in my office
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
