The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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