I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were trust falling into bushes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
