That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
