What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
