I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
