i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize