Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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