Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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