We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
