The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
