i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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