I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
