When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize