no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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