It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
