So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize