I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
